I always wanted to be that Mum

Its easy to scan instagram and make you think what a rubbish job you are doing. I know I am not always the best mum, I cut corners try to make life easy. I rush things and do not always make the most of things. There is a type of mum I would like to be but then there is me. I am not complaining I am happy enough but when I was pregnant with my first child I said they would never eat a happy meal now thats all they know (jokes we actually rarely have it as the kids don't like it, crazy kids). Here is a list of who I wanted to be and the real me. I am very real and very boring in reality.

I always wanted to be the mum with the best packed lunch, you know the bento types. Writing little notes for my son to read at school but sadly that has been me, but that was never me my intention was there but never followed through. I spend hours on pinterst looking at ideas but still those same old ham sandwich get in every day. Fruit is always a bonus too (jokes always force fruit on my kids). The truth be told doing the pack lunch minutes before leaving never helps any creative juices flowing.

I always wanted to be the Mum who did sensory play. That made perfect tuff trays and taught the kids different shapes. That planned things but that was never me. I get a random idea to do some messy play it either involves shaving foam or water. I am just not that creative or organised. They have alot of fun and I generally leave them too it. Ive never questioned what colours, shapes I just liked getting messy. Its something that has come lately I wasnt always as relaxed. With my first I hated painting and anything messy but now anything goes. 

I always wanted to be the Mum who was first to pick up her kids. First one in the row at school plays and important events. Be there with my big camera but that was never me I am the mum who wanders in late usually the wrong room. Scouring the crowds for my children with the biggest wave, totally embasaaing my kids. The truth be told I am a busy parent, its always then that one someone need the toilet, a nappy need changing and I am forever rushing. Time just slips through my fingers and I leave with seconds to spare but I am there. I may be standing the at the back brandishing my iPhone because I forgot the big camera. 

I always wanted to be the Mum with the stylish kids clothes. I wanted my kids to be the coolest looking and often matching, but sadly that has never been me. I buy random clothes that don't go together, I  get excited by sales and try my best to make the kids look good on limited budget. I try

to make sure I wash the good clothes so the kids don't wear the nursery clothes on our days together. Truth is even though they are not as good as I would like they still dress better than me most days,

I always wanted to be the Mum that planned educational trips out. That planned fun trips out but sadly I have become a Mum that just enjoys being off as a family of five. All those plans in my head get forgotten as days together are super rare we usually celebrate by doing nothing. Even on holidays we get dressed near lunch time. Everyone is happy nobody complains, these things take a bit more effort but we end up doing something completely random. We used to be a bit more spontaneous but now were doing good if we get to the beach down the road.

I always wanted to be the Mum who enjoyed reading stories to her child. That got lost in the stories and charm of the books, but sadly I rush bedtime. I usually am so exhausted I encourage the shortest stories so I can sit on the sofa and not do much till I go to bed. Very sad and I should make more of an effort with my children. They will only be small once and whilst I do not enjoy reading the same story ever night its very short lived.

All these things can change I am sure. One thing how much am I willing. How much do I want to be that Pintererst mum with the best instagramed photos. I am completely different and the most random parent ever. I get through most the days and am glad to veg out in the evening. My kids know they are loved. They do not care If I read one story or have a ham sandwich 5 days a week. They know I am there.

I am who I am and do you know what I am happy with the mother I have become. My heart is always there, always.

This is our tale our adventure through life. We have such a lot of fun doing the most random things. You know what: 

I am a good mum.

I am trying my best.

I am doing my best.

I do love being a mum (except 2 am wake ups followed by every 15 mins, I never EVER like that).

I love being a Mum.

Even if I am random and all over the place. The front rooms a mess and I forgot to get things in for dinner I sure am trying. 

Mummy's little Secrets

I try to be the best parent I really do, but there is times when I am not so good. The list is getting longer and longer with the more children I have. We can not all be perfect mothers and if you are I feel very good for you but I will never be that level. I am far to chilled out to be a parent.

I started this list as when I said a few of these to some Mum Friends they did look a little shocked/ obviously some of these are tongue in check and if you think they are bad they are a joke! (maybe). If my children ever read this then I am sorry I did try my best!

• I never watch Disney Channel and enjoy it, especially watching when the kids are in bed! 
• I never Hide the PlayStation controllers/ Ipad because I have had enough of you tube videos
• I do not let you sit and watch the TV for long periods so I can enjoy a Cup or two of tea
• I do not spend hours on Pinterest looking at sensory play to failing complete and getting some old playdoh out that is most probs too dry to play with
• I do not devour any left overs even if they are half eaten
• I do not eat all the kids snacks and biscuits
• I never play the game of who can pretend to be asleep the longest
• I do not often change nappy's when they are sometimes falling of (real bad one that is)
• I do not pretend I have tidied up all day for the toddlers to mess it up just before the hubby gets home!

• We do not pretend to have naughty policeman and Father Christmas on Speed dial and Naughty policeman has never knocked on the door during dinner time!
• I never go into the toilet and do not answer when you call to get a bit of quiet
• I do not let you play in the garden so I can watch Call the midwife in the conservatory
•  I Defiantly do not find baking with kids very stressful and let you do it all by your selves making real nice cakes! 
• We defiantly do not skip pages at bedtime to get the kids to go to bed that bit quicker

• I do not leave the toddlers unsupervised with felt tips 
• I do not get the babies dressed just before the afternoon school run
• I do not sit in the front of the car eating sweets without rustling the bag, I am dead good at this one managed a whole pack of millions with out 3 kids noticing
• I never clear the table of breakfast just as I am about to start tea
• I never I mean NEVER eat all the chocolate my mum buys for the kids! 
• We do always listen to the reading of the school books, oh whats Biff up to this time!
• We never Throw away most art work from  nursery/ school!

So here is my list of naughty habits obviously not too bad (she says eating the kids treats).

Do you have any of your own I would love to hear them. 

Becoming a Teen Mum

This is not a topic I speak about alot, maybe a part of me is embarrassed or worried what people may think, but I am getting to the stage of life where I actually not too fussed what people think. So here is my little story of how my life got twisted up side down... hang on I am not Fresh Prince, No I was just a normal teen who really had no clue.

They say that teen mothers is a trends in families, my mum was nearly 30 when she had me so I did not copy too much. As a teenager I had such low self esteem, I thought I was ugly and fat and that I would die alone. These were far from it and after a boyfriend who told me these I was a full time low. I met my eldest Sons dad when I was 15 and we dated for a few months. Then one month I realised I had missed my period and little did I know who much that would change the course of my life.

Back in the days of camera flip phones and no instagram

 I had no clue what a baby would entail or what I would need. I kept it quiet as long as I could and then had to tell my mum and dad. At the ripe old age of 16 sitting down with my parents was a hard thing to do but I carried on, my family in true style ignored it for awhile until I was massive. My mum brought me lots of maternity clothes and off I went getting bigger and bigger. I also had awful fluid retention and was massive (this is why there is no pictures of me when Pants was born I seriously was the size of a house). In this time I lost most my friends they were busy with life and I was stuck with Family and partner at the time. I went along to pre natal groups but alot of the Mums did not talk to me. I was too young and they just ignored me. I remember it being hard sometimes people often so judgmental and I always felt like I had to justify my self all the time.

Baby Pants

The time came to have my little baby and after waiting 7 days overdue and 24 hours in labour I had Pants. The labour I can not remember any off it but knew it was long. I did not feel love straight away I suddenly felt a huge overwhelming sense of pressure. I felt as if I would never be on my own again. The responsibility hit me very hard and all of a sudden I was scared. Scared I would muck it up, scared I would never have freedom again. I was 17 no college qualification just a waitress. It was then I knew I could not do nothing in my life I needed to get a career show my son to be a better person His Dad sadly never grew up and for that reason we split and then I was on my own. I had my family and my mum was a massive help, the first few nights she sat up with me with a colicy baby who did not sleep and brought things for me when I needed it. She was really amazing.

A teenage me and my Pants

I lived with my mum for a few years whilst I got on my feet, I went back to being a waitress a month after Pants being born a few hours a night just to get a little cash, I did not claim anything except child benefit and relied on my mum. I had no clue and probs would have wasted the money anyway but least I earned the milk and nappy money and that some how justified my decision. I then started university at 18 studying for 6 years to become a nurse. Meeting my husband on the way and having two more children. I would not have had it better if I tried.

Its funny really looking back, for years I suffered this judgement feelings. Even now people look at me with the babies and think I am a teenager in trouble. For years I would always bring into the conversation I was a nurse and married because did not want people to think bad of me, but now I think so what. You know if I did not have a baby at 17 I would not have my life now. I am blessed beyond belief and have done so much more than I ever imagined. My Son saved my life from heading nowhere and helped me find myself. I then joined a church where for the fiist time since becoming a mother people accepted me for me and there the empty feeling was filled in. My hard layers where brought down and I learned to accept love and to not care if people judge me. I am loved and thats so so amazing. So if you may think some body is young you never know what life has in store, having a baby brought me determination that I did not have before. I love being a mum I know no different really.

Am I turning into my mum?

Looking back over photos I have taken today I came across this photo and it screamed my mum!!! The way I am holding on the the bench is something my mum would do and it scares me!! Even the vacant face day dreaming I look like my mum alot. 

When did it happen!

How did it creep in!

I jest obviously I love my mum but I do not want to be her if you know what I mean. I have even noticed somethings I say are just what she would say oh dear. As a child she would say "Well" but it was more like wella I have not said that yet but when I do I shall turely no that I am my mum! 

I will try not to be like my mum although I think alot is ingrained I find it hard not to love washing like she does, collect little pots, be attached to random junk and speak in funny accents, I am failing but its ok it could be worse I suppose. 

Two under 2 and Pants - 4 months in

As soon as I started to share the news that I was pregnant with my third baby, I constantly got comments such as Oh its going to be hard work. With only 15 months between the youngest 2 most people would comment and sometimes it would really get on my nerves yes another child is hard but how do big families cope, they do and I will too. Most people who commented have not experienced that close age gap and therefore do not know what it is like. 

Some days are tough, it can be relentless the amount of nappy changing and feeding I do in a day, or the constant search for a matching pair of socks. Trying to leave the house requires careful planning and as soon as we are about to leave they both need a nappy change. They both cry at the same time often setting each other off and both still need alot of my attention. So yes you may say its hard work but no more than any child.

So with all that comes so so much joy, my heart burst with love for all three of my beautiful children. I love them so so much and wouldn't change a thing. I love the fact that Ami and Little bear will grow up together close in age. They will always have someone to play with. I love that all three of my children laugh at each other find themselves so funny. I love that some days people comment saying you have your hands full but I embrace it, my heart has alot of love, I am growing in patience, learning to share my time wisely, I am learning that sometimes days don't go right and thank god tomorrow is a new day.

So with the bad and good I love my life, I wouldn't change it. I am grateful to have had alot of time off and really enjoy this toddler age. I will be back to work soon and time will go by even quicker. So for now I will enjoy every day. I will look for the little things that make me happy, that little chuckle, that cute toddler chat, the sweet given by my eldest because I love it. I remember that this is just a season and in a few years all forgotten. 

Having more children is like a piece of the puzzle you didn't know was missing.

Mothers Day gift Ideas

Mothers Day is just round the corner I am betting that the time will fly by and before you know it your at the garage buying flowers and chocolate... (or is that just me!). This year I am not going to do that and be prepared, Ive been looking for some lovely gifts for my mum she does deserve it. She works very hard and is always around to baby sit when I ask.

So here is a few ideas to tickle your fancy

Baby Bird Necklace

I am kind of hoping that my husband stumbles upon my blog and finds this as I love this little necklace and I am not a jewelry wearer. I seem to love birds at the moment sorry about that, this retails at just under £18 the perfect gift for any mother. 

Handmade Blue Bird Bowl

 I know my mum would absolutely love this its a mixture of vintage and modern that she would love. I could see her storing things on her dressing table. I also would love it It would look great in our bathroom as a soap dish. Its a tad pricey at £15 but the quality and finish is totally worth that price.

I Love you to the moon and back necklace

This beautiful necklace is also a locket where you can store pictures of your children/ grandchildren/ dog in there. It is just the cutest little thing, Its retails at under £22 it is a lovely gift for anyone. I know If I got this from one of my children I would be so overwhelmed

Hand made notebook

If your mum is a keen writer or loves a journal than this is for her. This hand made note book is just lovely, the paper is handmade and is all made of recycled materials. It costs £11.13 which is a similar price I would pay for a good journal

Floral Scarf

You cant go wrong with a floral scarf, or any scarf in fact. This one is perfect for spring coming where the evenings as a bit chilly but the days are warmer. This one costs less than £10 what a bargain.

So what ideas have you for your mum? Do you do gifts at all? 

The pull of a child

I hold you tight and kiss your head, I know your mine and I am lost in this embrace. Your hands wander and search for your mum. You hear my voice and search for my face. We lock eyes and understand true love. True love that you would risk everything to save. You are so beautiful so changing everyday your doing something new.

I place you down and you start to cry. I want to pick you up and comfort you, nurse you and cuddle you. My husband tells me not to pick him up straight away. My heart is pulled and your tears. I hold my self together and pick you up. You stop crying, you know your safe in your mums arms. I get a look and a I told you so, but I dont care. I will hold you till you don't want to be held. I will cuddle you till you wont let me. Its a short time and I want it to last. Even in the throws of night when I hear you cry I rush to your aid. I hold you and rock you and wish you go back to sleep but still love the closeness.

When you grow to be a toddler Im still there behind you. Watching and my heart is happy, I see you learn to sit, to stand, to walk and I am so proud. Proud of you, proud that your mine. Every word you mumble is as if its the best word ever. Some words cause me to melt and your little voice to so cute. Little things you do I am in awe of you and wonder where you get these things from. When you fall over I am right behind, holding back my tears as I see your pain. Trying to stay strong as you pull the saddest of faces. The pull is strong I am your mum I am there to protect and I will always try my hardest.

Then you grow into a child, you dont want so many cuddles and kisses, and suddenly everything else is more fun than boring mum. All your cute things have been replaced by childish ways and remembering you younger is hard. I see all your achievements, I see you learn something new and be excited about it. I am proud when you show me how to do something I dont know. I look at you and wonder what you will be like when your older, I hope and pray over you. I know you will be great. You never cry I know your seriously hurt and that sound pulls me to you. I am there that protective mum, that Mum that will always fight for you. Always be there for you. My favorite times are just me and you, we have a good laugh and I miss all those years we had just the two of us.

So with this I am blessed with three awesome children all in different stages, All learning differently, all so so special. Being a mum is great!

Tiny fingers Tiny Toes

Looking at a babies hands and feet make me feel so squishy, those tiny little nails and all the crinkles makes me just melt. I want them to stay like this forever, I want this newborn stage to last. I love sitting with my boy and wondering how we created such a beautiful boy, his eyes draw our attention and we just cant help staring at him. 

I often find in the night I let him sleep next to me and wake to the most beautiful eyes, the most adoring eyes. He sees his mum and starts to indicating that he is hungry. His face nuzzles towards me and searches for food. He starts to feed and I am overcome with love with this little man. He see's me looking at him and he stops and smiles. Such special moments, these moments that just fly by and easily forgotten. 

I cant believe when I was pregnant that I doubted this baby, I was unsure if I could cope, weather I had enough love. Would it be to much with two so small but I now see how blessed I am. How special I am that I am blessed with three beautiful children, all so special all so unique in there own ways. All bring me so much joy every day. I love my life even though days can be hard, I know I was made to be a mum.

being a mum

Some days i just love being a mum, i love everything about it! School runs also! but other days i could easily hop on a plane go somewhere hot! some days it can be a relief just to go to work! although i haven't been to work for 8months as on maternity leave! am actually looking forward to going back! i was chatting to some mum friends of mine and they were saying that they liked work as they get an hour break and no changing nappies or looking after someone! i thought lucky them i go to work do exactly what i do at home but on a adult scale! the highlights of being a nurse!

Anyway I do love my children very much they cause me much delight! they are both so different and funny! Pants is very outgoing, very noisy, cheeky but defiantly not boring! very clever not sure where he got that from! its sad when a 6 year old has to show you how to do things on a ipod! and Ami just as sweet shes just starting to develop a personality she already seems very chilled out very much like her dad!

my day goes like this wake up to either husbands alarm/ Ami crying/ pants shoving ipod in my face asking me to download him a game! i then get Ami feed her whilst trying to get my husband to wake up so i don't have to quickly make the packed lunches  or the forcing pants to get dressed bribeing him with nuttella on toast as a reward for getting dressed! by this time Ami is bored of staying in bed! wants to explore elsewhere so of we go into our lounge! i then pick up the carnage from pants! and my husband takes pants to school! most days something is forgotten book bag/lunch box/ scooter!
this is all before 9am

what joy but then i wouldnt change it! ive been a mum since i was a teenager its all ive known i never had those care free years of being an adult, spending all day in bed! not having to sort childcare out if i want to do anything on my own!  that's the dream! one day when the kids are adults i shall have my time then! i plan to do alot of missionary work maybe we will take the kids with us! i dont know what the future holds but i do know god has some awesome plans for us! so if were still blogging i hope you enjoy the ride!


I would Love to hear from you please leave a comment!

were going to Disney!

not long till we leave! 27 hours exactly!

although do wish i was more organised as have everything to do tommorow! turn money into euros and pack a bag for Amelie, food for the journey and all that fun!

we did this last year a day trip to Disney  we collected the vouchers from the sun newspaper and it cost £25 for day tickets and the ferry! just have to pay tolls, parking, petrol but thats not a huge amount extra ..... oh wait it is! but its worth it for the crack of being up for 24 hours! traveling 4 hours there and back!

This year is alot different last year just had a 5 year old, now have the extra joy of a 7 month old baby (who had chicken pox) but that adds to the fun! so to make things a little easier have brought some pre made formula so only have to take bottles! but Disneyland is very baby friendly they even let you do a baby swap where you take it in turns to go on a ride rather than queuing up again! 

So best get my bum in gear and sort stuff out to take! 

need to become more organised! but not sure that will happen  anytime soon! 

Busy busy tuesday! oh and chicken pox

i dread every Tuesday, well not so much the day but the swimming lessons in the evening! it always seems such a struggle just to get there! today we had a busy day on top just enjoying a bit of peace! watching super size vs super skinny on channel 4 (if you haven't seen it, its where an obese person swaps food with someone who is underweight!) very interesting it is! 

today we had a lady round from our local sure start center to register Ami on the system! then we went to a friends house who hosts a little baby club! from this to the first school run in ages, then to the park then the forty mins walk to our local swimming pool for Pants swimming lessons! argh then we were early had to wait for ages! but Pants did good today and was listening to the teacher always good to watch! although ive noticed he likes to stand behind the teacher so she crashes into her with her bum! what a cheeky boy! 

And to top it off today we found some spots on Ami that look alot like chicken pox! explains why she was so ill last week! oh well the fun never stops!

Does anyone have any remedies for Chicken pox?

Half term fun!

After a week of two poorly children decided had to go out ive seen a years worth of Garfield and Scooby doo to last a life time! So to start the day woke up later than usual for a mum with a six month old, we were meeting friends at 9 but,Amelie didn't wake up till 10 lovely as that sounds she was up all night coughing. But hey what can you do!

So of out we went bit later than arranged and we went to Hornby visitor center  Good fun if you have children Aston played with trains and cars. Then Aston got to make and paint a plane which for a hyper six year old was to hard so poor mummy had to make the plane with Amelie on my lap! She was grabbing all the small pieces and glue but we got there minus a few Parts ! More of a dad and kid thing! Aston and his friends enjoyed it and it stopped him playing his iPod and watching tv for a while! Was a bargain at £2.50 including the make and paint plane! So after we decided to go into Margate to visit the cupcake cafe where they were doing cake decorating! After a lovely tea and cheese tostie we ventured in! Aston managed to eat plenty of marshmallows rather than put them on his cake! Saved the mess at home and was good fun! Not bad for £1! Only half way through half term going to euro Disney next week hurray!

Welcome to the mad life of me!

Welcome to my blog!! i am  busy mum of two adorable (sometimes) children! Aston who is six and Amelie who is six months. life is very busy and is flying by way too fast so i decided to start a blog in order to record moments in our life and make new friends!

Enjoy being crafty (not in the cheeky sense but sometimesmaybe) and baking! Both of these I am not very good at but hey there’s no harmin trying!  I also have a passion to savemoney on everything I buy and have had some amazing savings! I'm married to aamazing man who makes me laugh very much his name is Matt and hes a freelancevideo producer so life is always fun!

Also a big thing about me i'm a Christian and live a life forthe King Jesus!

 So Enjoy and welcome to the mad house!!!

im new to this blogging so any help advice etc will be well appreciated! 

Much Love