Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Down Days

Sometimes being a mother is so difficult, it can sometimes be that you have no rest, no sleep and no chance of getting things done. When those days are hard the idea of going to bed and sleeping forever are broken by a baby waking up lots in the night. It becomes a constant battle and before you know it your exhausted and sometimes can see there is no hope, you think this is your life now. For me this is where I am on my bad days, I never thought I could feel like this, I ve always been so happy and see the positives but someways the dark tries to win. Sometimes I am so tired I let it, I listen to lies that I am a bad mother and hide away. I am short with the kids, I am cross with the husband not letting people close for fear they will see me fail. Its hard. 

The health visitor suggested I talked to my doctor about it, but I am too scared I dont want to be labelled as having Postnatal depression, not that I have anything against that I'am just a little fearful it may be. I generally think its lack of sleep, some nights with Little bear I have been up every 2 hours then dealing with a busy toddler in the day, its enough to wear anyone out. I am not one to ask for help, I often bumble along getting cross with myself that I do it on my own. 

I havent the energy for much and can see the old me backing away, I sat down to write a post about me and Im lost. I dont know where I am going. I am just a mum, just a mum who hides behind the kids. A mum who loves her kids lots but would like to sleep. I need to focus on the positives, see how blessed I am, because I sure am. That actually my life isnt too bad and wont let like this forever. When that tooth comes through or that cough goes away all the sleepless nights will be forgotten. 

So here I am holding my light on the hill, showing the darkness you have no hold on me. I am a capable mum, I am a good mum and I am trying the hardest I can to stay afloat. 


  1. I couldve written this myself. In fact I post in my head and it's amazingly similar. I would be shattered too in your position, when my son has bad nights it's awfully draining, adding to the fact I do have anxiety and very low moods it just completely pulls me under. If you do start feeling alone an have regular dark thoughts etc please do speak to someone, it's hard and nerve wracking but you won't be labelled, sometimes it's just a relief it doesn't mean you have to do anything you still have choices :-) xx

    1. Thanks for your advice, it actually took a load of my mind writing this somehow wrtting down what I was really thinking and not putting on a front has helped.

  2. Ahhh hun it's so hard when you have two and you are not sleeping. I can't function off no sleep. I start thining I am going crazy. It's always good to be open and honest with your doctor. But at the same time you are doing amazing give your self credit and try to get rest any time you possibly can. When we lose sleep it affects everything else. Even if a family member can come help out or stay over one night so you can catch up on your zzzs they are SOOO important. My emotions start getting the better of me when I lack sleep. make sure you are drinking lots of water and eating healthy too. Sometimes writing it all down helps too. That's what your blog is here for so have at it. We are all here to offer an ear to listen to you, give our advice if you want and be here for you. Biggest hugs to you wonderful mommy. Thanks for linking up to Share With Me. I know what it's like with a baby and toddler you need anything hollar. #sharewithme

  3. I remember those feelings and those days, now my girls are a bit older they sleep much better and I do feel better too, hopefully you will get some sleep soon and will feel much better, like Jenny said isn't there anyone who could have them one night?? #sharewithme

  4. Good for you Sara, you are indeed a good mum, only good Mums care enough to worry. I got diagnosed with late onset PND when the twins were 8 months and I found that admitting it was hard and talking to lots of people a lot helped me so much. Give it up and let Him carry you through this tough time. Mich x