Me and Mine - October 2015

Always my favourite photos of the month, the times where we force ourselves to get together and have our photo taken together. I really was not up for it this month I was so full of cold and generally felt grim. I love the photos now though this month has some new favourites. We have done the blue shelter last year but I do love it. Son Son also insisted on wearing his hat for the photos. 

We have had yet another crazy busy month it has gone far too quick. Heres some things we have been loving this last month. 

Daddy has been loving:

- Going to Vienna 

- Few days at Centre parks

- Family time at Mum and Dad's

- Date night with the wife

- Arsenal doing well!

Mummy is loving:

- Daddy being home from travelling. 

- Annual Leave

- Childless days watching suits in bed all day

- Going to Norfolk with the family 

- Little adventures with the kids

Asti is loving

- Half term

- Playing uno and other games with parents

- Fifa Match points 

- Getting first laptop and playing a lot of minecraft

- Match Attax cards 

 Ami is loving

- Pre School and making new friends each day

- Going to Grandad and Nanna Norfolks

- Asking everyone where there mum and dad is

- Adventures outside especially in the sea

- Sneakily watching Horrid Henry

Son Son is loving

- Spending a little time in the toddler room at nursery

- Cuddles with mummy and Daddy

- Playing with cars and planes

- looking out for any moving vehicle he really does love it. 

- swimming 

We didn't plan to take this photo but after we took the shelter ones we headed down to the beach you couldn't miss the glorious sky behind us. So we quickly set up the camera to capture these wonderful colourings. They look almost fake but as we drove round the coast home the sky was a deep crimson against the dark sky it was beautiful.

That is us for another month, Next month See's our baby turn 2 which is a bit scary. I love November though fireworks and preparing for Christmas it gets a bit exciting.

You can steal a laptop but you wont steal my joy!!

Last week was a rather odd yet gutting week, somehow you put your life on a laptop. You take photos and save them, write things down and live your life through them. You come to rely on this machine, don't think anything of it then all of a sudden its gone, taken and you hurt. You hurt alot, you hurt because someone took your photos of your babies, someone took your videos without any thought. Any thought of who it belonged to, a selfish act.

Sadly this was the case for my poor husband last week. It was more than pictures for him it was his lively hood. All his work gone, all those late nights wasted for someone taking it to make a few quid out of someones misfortune. My husband carried round a huge laptop which he had hard drives, notes and everything he needed in order to work. So the other day he was loading the kids into the car and put his laptop bag by the car and with the stress of babies crying just drove of leaving the bag behind. Once he realised he came back and it was gone. Devastated and with a glimmer of hope he knocked on all the doors to find nobody had seen a thing.

It was absolutely gutting, my husband is one of the hardest working people I know and to see 5 years work and much more gone, I can't describe. I was cross, so angry with someone so selfish to see a bag that had someones notes in, business cards it was obvious it was much used taken. It makes me so sad. Whats worse there was pictures of our children, videos my husband had made of the children. Precious times that are easily forgotten, and mean so much to us. My husband had scripts and his own videos that he will never get back, its heart breaking and sad.

Thankfully we are part of an amazing community with our church who rallied round to generously raise some money to get Matt back up and running again. We are so blessed, so so blessed, we are overwhelmed by our friends. Overwhelmed that they see Matt's talent, they want to help and that was amazing. So with all my that there is some good, as its alot of pressure with Matt being the inly earner in the house at the moment. With all that it has also been a lovely few days my husband has had some time off with no pressure so can't complain alot. So now to start again, learn to back up on more hard drives, clouds etc, and move on. Start afresh and hope that the person who takes the laptop is blessed with the money they get for selling it, because as gutting as it is it is only stuff. My husband could have been at knife point and we could have lost him for that I am grateful. So here is to a chilled out week.

Down Days

Sometimes being a mother is so difficult, it can sometimes be that you have no rest, no sleep and no chance of getting things done. When those days are hard the idea of going to bed and sleeping forever are broken by a baby waking up lots in the night. It becomes a constant battle and before you know it your exhausted and sometimes can see there is no hope, you think this is your life now. For me this is where I am on my bad days, I never thought I could feel like this, I ve always been so happy and see the positives but someways the dark tries to win. Sometimes I am so tired I let it, I listen to lies that I am a bad mother and hide away. I am short with the kids, I am cross with the husband not letting people close for fear they will see me fail. Its hard. 

The health visitor suggested I talked to my doctor about it, but I am too scared I dont want to be labelled as having Postnatal depression, not that I have anything against that I'am just a little fearful it may be. I generally think its lack of sleep, some nights with Little bear I have been up every 2 hours then dealing with a busy toddler in the day, its enough to wear anyone out. I am not one to ask for help, I often bumble along getting cross with myself that I do it on my own. 

I havent the energy for much and can see the old me backing away, I sat down to write a post about me and Im lost. I dont know where I am going. I am just a mum, just a mum who hides behind the kids. A mum who loves her kids lots but would like to sleep. I need to focus on the positives, see how blessed I am, because I sure am. That actually my life isnt too bad and wont let like this forever. When that tooth comes through or that cough goes away all the sleepless nights will be forgotten. 

So here I am holding my light on the hill, showing the darkness you have no hold on me. I am a capable mum, I am a good mum and I am trying the hardest I can to stay afloat.