The School Mum Playground Gang

If you ever had to endure a school pick up it can be a ghastly place, some mums thrive on this and get to the school a good hour before hand. I am not of this calibre in fact those mums do not talk to me or ever have, I am not missing much there conversations are thrilling by thrilling I mean the joy of which club, what their child is top at and all that blah. Looking round the playground different mums and dads have their own little gangs. So here is a few I have noticed in my four years of school pickups. (Obviously some off these I have exaggerated the school run isn’t all that exciting sometimes!)

The Over Eager Gossipers

These mums know every low down; including every school coffee morning and these are the highlights. Getting to the school at 2:30pm is late and they will have missed out on what’s going on with the latest gossip. They are first to sign up for parents evenings and are loud. Talking to new parents is a No No stick to familiarity.

The lonesome Parent

Usually rocking up to the school in trendy clothes and headphones, other parents giving them the eye as they are secretly jealous. They stand on their own usually on their phones and rush off before getting collared for play dates. They stand apart and sometimes will fake a phone call to get away from clingy mum.

Clingy Bragger Mum

“My child is reading at this level, they are top at this top of that” Yes thank you for the update. You know fair well my child is not doing as well but you tell me every time you see me how well they are doing. You compare after school clubs and wonder why my child is not in 15 clubs a week. These mums do not listen they just vent be wary DO NOT ENGAGE CONVERSATIONS.

Forever Late Mums and Dads (that’s my husband)

The school time never changes yet there child is the last in the class and the last to be picked up. Time management is not an issue and it beats all the playground drama. The only problem is parking they have to park so far away it means they are even later. It’s a no win situation, they are on time for the first week of every term and it’s a good term if they haven’t had a phone call from the school wondering where they are or worse signed in late!

Forgetful Mum

Always living in unorganised chaos this mum would forget her head if it was not screwed on. Forever asking Facebook what’s happening as have lost the original letter. Often there child is the only one in school uniform on trips and dressing up days. They are forever getting laughed at in the playground for the antics of previous terms. They get great delight if they get the right dress up day and a packed lunch in the right bag too.

Tired Nan

Poor old Nan after dealing with a small child all day they have to endure the playground to get more children. They look haggard and like they need a good hug. Often employed 5 days a week full time to keep their family happy. They are tired but friendly (well some there are a few too tired ones who bite easily be careful).

The Young Mother

Often alone as not included in the over eagers. Usually friendly and happy for a bit of conversation.  Scared to talk for the fear of judgement from other parents. Sometimes get the Evil eye as classed as not old enough to have a school age child. Will talk to other young parents if have the confidence. Or you can get the opposite young mother where they are very in your face.

The Child Chaser

This Mum or Dad have their hands full, found every pick up to be chasing a child or even two. The double pushchair is heavy and laden with bits to keep small children contained whilst waiting for older siblings to come out of school, none of which works and they either have the embarrassment of a screaming child (The ultimate school ground shame) or looking like the caring free parent.

Glamour Mums

They roll up to the school hair done face full of makeup, make you want to cry as you look at your stained leggings. They may even sport high heels and have a little dog. Other parents do not stand too close for fear of looking frumpy. Never seen in the rain and the first to wear summer dresses at the smallest glimpse of sun.

The Dads

Often wondering why they are doing the school run, scanning the playground for other Dads to talk too. Often found wearing sports gear and looking all masculine. Are the first to get out of the playground and will always cave into the ice cream man after school.

The PJ Mum

Wearing an onesie morning and afternoon, they never get changed and do not care. They are free of day to day clothes and live in the comfort of PJS. Usually part of the over eagers and seeing onesie and high heels is a new fashion trend in the playground.

The Outsiders

Usually in pairs or on own will never be in a pack. Observe other parents and wonder where they fit in. They then have a laugh and post it online on blogs (what loser would do that).

School Playgrounds are funny places, maybe it’s the inner school child that comes out again. It’s a funny place to be but somewhere you have to otherwise you will get into trouble. I look forward to secondary school and my child making their own way home. Or being like the secondary school car mums.