Saturday, 26 December 2015

Depression at Christmas

Christmas is supposed to be a joyous time, but sometimes when you are struck down with depression it's the last thing on your mind. The kids new toys are everywhere, people asking you questions. People look happy and all it does it make you want to hide. 

You see depression comes in many forms. For me it comes and goes I have always been such a positive person but the last week I have been hit hard. Hit hard with something trying to pull me down when in fact I should be full of joy, 

I should be the light.

 I should be happy. 

But all I want to do is hide, hide and sleep. 

What's wrong with me seriously what is wrong with me. I have never felt like this before, I am lost, my heart feels sad. I am counting my blessings sure I am so privialidged but I can't get out. I am stuck in this dark place it's lonely I hate it, I hate how it makes me feel, I hate it how it makes me.

I am snappy, tearful and generally not fun to be around. It's hard when I am telling the kids off for being loud. They can't help it they are excited but I can't face it. I enjoy being at work as its a break. That's very unlike me. This is only a phase, maybe I have worked too much. Placed too much pressure on myself. done too much and not paused. It's odd my head is all over the place. 

So there it is depression in one of its many forms, showing I am human. I am far from super mum. The idea of baking and decorating cakes is enough to tip me over board. I love Christmas I must not forget this. 

I must not forget how blessed I am. How privileged. 

Life is flying by.

I need to find a way out of this horrible place I am stuck in. Enjoy these little people I have. Give them my all. Not the stressed out mum they have seen late. Forcing the darkness out with more light. 

Sorry it's not an usual positive post but I feel it is important to show this, so that some other parent/ person can read this and find some support or just to make them feel they aren't alone. 

Depression will never win over me. 

Never. 

6 comments:

  1. Sending massive hugs and lots of love....
    I hope things are better for you soon x

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    1. Thanks today hs been a better day already.

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  2. I hope you're okay :( Depression can be so isolating. Big hugs to you x

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    1. Thanks lovey it's been horrid especially at a time when I should be happy but just feel sad, writing down how I have been feeling has really helped me.

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  3. Thank you so much for writing. I've been there and know how isolating it feels. I would love to share on site https://m.facebook.com/thecontentedfamilyproject/?ref=bookmarks I write about choosing happiness. I understand depression isn't simple and when hour depressed you can't just choose happiness buy based on my past experiences I am passionate about preventing mental health issues by helping people (and myself) create a tool box of strategies so when they start to feel down they can stop themselves from sinking further. As yours is such a personal post I wanted to ask before sharing? Sending hugs x

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    1. Thanks yes that is fine, for me I have always ignored and dismissed depression. If it helps someone else then please share x

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